The penultimate post

Dear all,

I apologize for not keeping to my promise. I haven’t been updating. This is in part because I’m lazy, in part because I think P is reading this blog, which makes me very uncomfortable indeed, and also in part because I’ve been taking this blog for granted.

I started this blog because writing at the previous one felt horribly oppressive after some time. It was fine for the first few years when I was a dumb teenager (and in many ways I still am, although I’m allowed to rely on that excuse a lot less now) and basically only had crap to spout. But I got older and I was doing different things – fucking up, fucking around, caring less about rules and being P.C and watching my language and worrying about offending people with my views. Essentially I wanted to run away and write whatever I wanted to without fear of a negative backlash.

What I didn’t realize at the time was just how important public criticism is to my writing. Knowing that I have to be careful with my words forces me to put thought into them lest they be misconstrued.  Having this blog allows me to write unchecked. The result of any unfettered genius that might conceivably dwell in my writing is entry after painful entry of impulsive ranting, incoherent gleeful squealing, and all the other annoying qualities of a blog written by someone merely spewing out the garbled thoughts in her head.

So. In a few days I’ll be going public again. I haven’t decided on the URL yet, but I’ve already made a whole list of things I’ve been meaning to write about.

In the meantime I’ll keep this blog open to satisfy any urges to rant about something potentially offensive, scandalous, or threatening to my personal welfare. I realize that you can never truly keep anything a secret on the Internet, especially since most of you reading this are strangers to me, but all efforts will remain to keep this blog as anonymous as before, and I would appreciate it if you continue to *not* give anyone the URL.

If you have twitter, you can follow me (@l e r a i n e), or you can come back here in a few days when I’ve posted the new URL.

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